Why the fuck can't we have a cool bitcoin wallet?

One of the unique features of bitcoin is that it's programmable in so many different ways. You could write an app for all kinds of devices and operating systems. People use bitcoin on their cell phones, tablets, and computers. Bitcoin wallets/apps are easy to make. So why the hell are we stuck with these weird, quirky, devices made by hackers in a garage? I don't mean that literally of course. I know these guys are engineers with some serious knowledge and power, but why are they so limited?

Here's what I want: A billionaire with a lot of money, hires a team of engineers, and spends the next year developing a small, handheld device that does anything and everything bitcoin related, in a secure fashion. It's gotta be easy, and made for [redacted]s... the kind of average person that shops on Christmas eve. Like a gun, it's gotta be simple to operate for people in third world countries. Give it 3 buttons and a charging port (on the opposite side of the buttons, so it's not confusing anyone). Make the battery run for a year on a single charge. Give it the doo-dads that OpenDime has, or Coldcard, and simplicity of Trezor/Ledger, with the OS of Apple, and the portability of a cell phone. Size is important, because it can't be too small or too big. It has to represent the value and something not easy to lose. We can make memory chips on the head of a pin, but that doesn't make them easy to plug into a USB port.

I'm not trashing the other wallets. I like and use them. To be honest, the wallets I have now are the only thing that makes me sleep at night when shit like FTX is happening. I just wish we could market them easier. I see so many products designed well but with bitcoin we're all still messing around with things that look like they were made by Kevin Mitnick from parts purchased in the back of 2600 Magazine. Make something sleek.

And this is key... Make this device something people OWN. It has to remind them it's their vault, their money, and their power. They are holding economic energy in the device. Let's use something more substantial some cheap plastic from China. Let's make it out of nice, heavy, plastic from China. And open source this baby. Ain't gonna happen without some open source software of course. That goes without saying. It's the first amendment to the bill of code.